Formaldehyde
As I come to my senses, I realize that I cannot move my body and let alone, breathe. I cannot speak. I cannot ask anyone what's happening to me right now. I am confused. I can see a subtle reflection of myself right in front of me, but I see bright lights too. I feel something flowing around my body. Something like blood or water. I don't know what's going on. I seriously do not.
I am confined inside a sort of box, of what it seems. My body is straightened out like hard wood. I feel in my right hand of what it seems like a rosary. Am I supposed to be praying? Or am I just holding it just for design? It's so silent in here. Not that I don't like it, it's just that I needed a sort of "silence" from time to time. I was surrounded by noise all my life. Noise that irritates you, annoys you. Noise that is utterly worthless. Noise that could kill. But not all of that "noise" were of the negative connotation. The "noise" of a person crying of joy, or even hearing someone you love laugh makes you smile, makes you happy. And you wouldn't even consider that "noise" anymore. For it is now what you call "sound".
Speaking of sound, I hear some of it now. It's been a while, forever actually, since I heard some. A person's voice. Good God. It's a person's voice! A woman, it's a woman's. But wait, she sounds upset. What? Why? She wails out loud. She cries. And it seems she's slamming something to the wall or to the ground, I can't make it out. I don't understand. What's happening?
After a few hours, the sound of what it seems to be people grew louder and louder. And most of them were the sound of the woman a while ago; despair. Did something happen? But then, I hear something different. I hear footsteps, and they're coming closer and closer. I see a man's face and he looks unhappy. Everyone is, I reckon. 'Why are his eyes open?' he asks an out-of-picture person. 'I dunno. He's been like that ever since.' answers the invisible figure. What does he mean by that? Were they referring to me? Of course my eyes are open! Why would they even be closed?
As time progressed, different faces hovered over my face. Most of them asked the same question as the previous man. Some dropped their tears over my subtle reflection. I see their sadness... I feel it. Yet, I do not understand why they have to be. Something must've happened. Something bad. I'm sure of it. I need to find out what it was.
A woman of familiarity visited me for last. 'His eyes... They're so beautiful.' she remarked, 'It's good that they didn't close at all. It's his last day today' What? "Last day"? What does she mean by that? Before I could even conjure another thought inside my overly-confused mind, she looks at me with despairing yet loving eyes, and says 'Michael. Thank you for everything. Your kids, look at them now. They're all so successful. You brought them up well. Your grandchildren are here too, you know? They keep asking "Why is grandpa asleep?" Hahaha. They're so cute! I'd bring them over here, but I figured they'd be too scared to see you and their parents would call me a "bad grandmother". Sigh. I'm thankful that I've spent my life with you... and that you spent yours with mine. I love you, Michael. I will see you soon. I promise. Goodbye.' Suddenly, her tears started overflowing and dripped onto my subtle reflection. I know I've seen her before. I swear. A young man who looks strangely like me comes over to the woman and comforts her then takes her away from me. No! Don't!
No one came over to me for a long while now. Have they left? I think so. I hear a lot of footsteps again around me. Heavy ones. Wait. I see myself going closer to those lights. I'm being lifted! What the-- 'STOP!' someone yells, 'Close the lid first, idiots!' Lid? What lid? I see that something dark and big approaches and closes me from the outside... even from my own subtle reflection. What's going on? It's so dark in here. I feel so alone. I am alone.
I see the world again, after a while. The only difference is, I can see the blue sky. Wow. I love the sky. I hear people speaking and, as far as I could make out, praying. Praying for what? I hear a man with a deep voice recite a prayer from one of those funerals. That's creepy. Could somebody just tell me what is going on?! No one does. I see a group of people gather around me and blocks out the sky from my view. I could recognize the woman who called me "Michael" and the strange man who looked like me among them. They started crying. What? Don't! Their tears dropped and drizzled over me, but I don't get wet at all. In each of their hands, they hold a yellow flower, and one by one, they started throwing it over me. Now that's weird. Thanks, I guess?
'Close it.' someone says. Again?! No, wait! DON'T! It was too late, I was blocked out from the world again. All I see and feel now is darkness. Never-ending darkness. Around me, I could hear the creaking and cracking of what it seems to be metal. Gears! These are gears I hear! I feel gravity acting weird. Hmm. I'm being brought down! What. Is. Going. On?! Then the gears stop and I hear nothing again. I feel different now. I feel like dying.
A 'thug'-ish sound constantly happens. And every time it does, I seem to get heavier. Or is it the box that does? Not sure. Something keeps pushing me downward, like keeping me from getting up. Maybe it's the weight? I ask myself. Then a final and really loud 'thug' booms then it stops. Nothing more happened. Just constant silence and darkness.
Am I alone? What happened to everybody? What to happened here? What happened to me? I am deeply and utterly confused in this state. I think I'll go insane due to this. But, like a jolt of lightning, a realization comes to me. The "box", the despair of the people, the tears, the flowers, the lid, my subtle reflection... all these things could mean only one thing; I'm dead. Yes, I am dead. My time in this world is done. There is nothing more I could do. Where do I go now?
But that's the beauty of it. We don't go anywhere else. We just die trapped in this body that we have been given, forever engulfed by the darkness that feeds upon us every moment.
It is only then I remember my life. I am, or at least was, a Christian. I prayed to God. Worshiped The Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost. Throughout my life, I learned and respected other various religions. I see how people worship their god, and how each can vastly affect one's culture. And that is the greatest barrier that Man has ever come across. Wars, social separation, lives, are different and unequal due to this. The "morals" that each religion have are just nothing but nuisances. And then there was a time that I thought I was atheist, and I guess I am until now. I started doubting everything about every religion that ever existed. Is it really true? Or is it just some ruse to employ power over the weak? I may never know. We will never know.
But, since I've already moved on from Life, it actually doesn't matter if you believe in Islam, Buddhism, or even Christianity! The Heaven or Nirvana you've all been aspiring and wished for is just the darkness waiting for us at the end of our road. And Hell is the demons that you haven't laid to rest yet, or even face. And God? Buddha? Allah? That's you. You, trying to keep up with the eternal darkness that plays with you, making you insane. Because all the acts that you have done in your life, all leads up to this; death. And no one is an exception to this. Death is your deity.
It is only then I remember my life. I am, or at least was, a Christian. I prayed to God. Worshiped The Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost. Throughout my life, I learned and respected other various religions. I see how people worship their god, and how each can vastly affect one's culture. And that is the greatest barrier that Man has ever come across. Wars, social separation, lives, are different and unequal due to this. The "morals" that each religion have are just nothing but nuisances. And then there was a time that I thought I was atheist, and I guess I am until now. I started doubting everything about every religion that ever existed. Is it really true? Or is it just some ruse to employ power over the weak? I may never know. We will never know.
But, since I've already moved on from Life, it actually doesn't matter if you believe in Islam, Buddhism, or even Christianity! The Heaven or Nirvana you've all been aspiring and wished for is just the darkness waiting for us at the end of our road. And Hell is the demons that you haven't laid to rest yet, or even face. And God? Buddha? Allah? That's you. You, trying to keep up with the eternal darkness that plays with you, making you insane. Because all the acts that you have done in your life, all leads up to this; death. And no one is an exception to this. Death is your deity.
And as the formaldehyde begins to fade away from my body, I realize that there is no 'light at the end of the tunnel'. I feel like dying, I say? No, I am already dead. My body is rotting, and my soul is losing its sanity. And finally, I feel my eyes closing... closing from the darkness that is around me. And finally, I succumb to the real one that exists only in my eyes.
- Mikey McMike
